Friday, July 13, 2018

Dreams Revisited

After my last blog post was written, we bought a house.  The 10 year trial in our old house was about to be over.  Relief washed over us and I felt free.  2017 would prove to be a wonderful and hard year.  Gone were the days of wondering when we'd have to move.  So much behind us, and so much in front of us.  

In 2016 I started therapy again for PTSD related to childhood traumas and I learned that things can be one way and another, not necessarily black or white.  That one tool, applied in many areas of my life, has been a Godsend.  I also went to a week long, inpatient therapy session... I mean "retreat" for healing from sexual abuse at the end of 2016.  I believe that was in large part a giant leap toward last year being wonderful, peaceful and hard. 2017 was a year of rest from my own personal struggles and mental health issues.

In March of 2017, we headed out on vacation and in the middle of it my husband had to be hospitalized for a bowel perforation.  For a period of about 6 months, he was very ill sometimes and we had no way of knowing how long it would last or what kind of treatment might cure him.  It is torturous to watch your loved one suffer day in and day out.  At times, the combination of my husbands illness and our daughter's response to it felt like much more than I could take.  One incident that I'm sure sticks with both my husband and I is a day when we were riding in the car and he started coughing.  In those days his coughing spells could lead to vomiting episodes and our daughter was terrified of vomiting. In her mind, anyone who did vomit was dangerous to her because they could make her sick and she could vomit.  While the car was moving, she opened the car door to exit the vehicle to escape my husband's retching.  It was a very scary episode.

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