Sunday, August 14, 2016

There was a news article online that told of a British woman of Pakistani origin who was killed by her ex-husband.  She was currently married to someone else and the article doesn't give any details about that.  The murder was being investigated to find out if it was a "honor" or revenge killing.

I was thankful in that moment that my Pakistani ex-husband saw me as an object to use and not a real wife.  He most certainly would've killed me.  The Pakistani culture is steeped in shame and pride and killing is seen as desirable. My husband had killed before and I had cheated on him with an ex boyfriend.

In Your Grace Papa, you had a plan for me - always.

Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.  They are led to their own death by lies. 

Saturday, July 23, 2016

The world says I am nothing

I have been a stay at home mom for 11 years.  In the last 4 years in particular, I have been "doing" nothing.  I don't work outside the home.  I don't volunteer at my church.  My kids aren't in sports.  And I don't have a hobby except reading, if that counts.  By the world's standards, I do nothing of value.  I don't "serve" others by being "in ministry" and I hang out around my house, taking care of my ten year old and a petting zoo full of animals.

But when my 26 year old calls needing an ear, I am here..  When my daughter wakes up in the morning, we have all the time in the world together to cuddle and catch up.  When my husband needs a bit of encouragement to keep going in his own daily grind, I am here to cook him breakfast, pack his lunch with a love note, and send him off with a kiss.  When my dad is staring death in the face, I am here.  When my grandpa is dying of cancer... I am here. If I were busy whirling about in "doing", I couldn't see the needs in front of me. The list of people God has given me to Love is plenty big for now.  I am called to this.

Wanting More

I took our two dogs out for a walk this morning and felt like our journey contained a great lesson.  One dog walked nicely on her leash and sniffed around within the boundaries of where she could go.  She didn't pull or struggle, she just enjoyed.  Our other dog, who is younger and a completely different temperament, pulled on her leash and struggled to get beyond her boundaries.  For the entire walk.  She ended up choking herself and gagging for a good portion of our time outside.  It wasn't all that fun for her or for me.  She could not be satisfied or enjoy the space she was given and she suffered for it.  It made me think of how often we are like that.  How often are we unsatisfied with God's good gifts, right in front of us.  We struggle, fuss and strive instead of enjoying the moment, the sunrise, the gifts that are right in front of us.